ᛋᚫᚱᚫᚺ᛬ᛖ᛬ᛗᛖᛚᚠᛁᛚᛚᛖ

LAURA

2012-01-31T00:00:00.000-08:00

to order a copy of Laura

EMAIL : sarah e melville @ gmail . com to request a copy.

Please mention your mode of payment. Both PayPal and personal checks will be accepted. Please do not make a PayPal payment before sending an email.

Laura is $17, which includes shipping within the continental US. For international orders, please add $5 to your order.

Limit one per person.

OPHELIA

2012-01-27T20:18:00.001-08:00

Lily Cole as Ophelia

Ophelia as a subject is a must when you're dealing with Pre-Raphaelite inspiration.

JANUARY 31 : LAURA

2012-01-27T17:49:00.000-08:00

The wait is almost over! On Tuesday, January 31st, Laura the novella will be availale to purchase (and read and love.)

Laura is a tale of vampires, horses and mental illness in a geographical and emotional wasteland, which Marc Horne describes as "top notch: blood red poetry under moon white flesh" and Robert James Russell hails as a "work of genius". Unfussed prose is haunted by gothic decadence and supernaturalism, giving us a new look at both the vampire genre and Stoker's Dracula.

H O W . T O . O R D E R

LAURA will be able to purchase on January 31st at midnight (PST). To purchase a copy, all you have to do is email me at:

sarahemelville[a]gmail.com

with "LAURA" in the subject line. Say something like "hey, I'd like to buy a copy!" and then mention how you will be paying.

There are two ways of paying:

1) PayPal. Once Laura is on sale, I plan to have a Buy Now button for PayPal on the web page. But you must send an email before you make a payment. There are some people who will be purchasing by other means (see below) and because PayPal is quicker, this means that all 20 copies could sell out to PayPal customers before anyone else gets to purchase. Which just isn't fair.

2) Personal check. Just like paying with PayPal, send an email. Mention you'll be paying with a check, and viola, you've got yourself a book.

Laura is $17, which includes shipping in the continental US. For destinations in the UK, Europe and outer-lying states, please add $5 to your order.

All copies of Laura are numbered and signed by the author, but if you would like a personal message (or drawing), please mention this in the email.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me via email, or on twitter @sarahemelville.

Sorry, but no pre-orders or bribes for pre-orders will be accepted.

GRACE

2012-01-26T20:40:00.000-08:00

G R A C E

digital painting

UNTITLED SAINT

2012-01-25T22:29:00.000-08:00

third in the Saint Series of digital paintings

the Patron Saint of :EAT MEAT:

2012-01-22T21:31:00.001-08:00

digital painting

M_LOVE II

2012-01-17T22:44:00.000-08:00

pen & ink and colour pencil on paper

[roughly] 6" x 10"

A piece in the style of Takato Yamamoto.

STUDY

2012-01-13T00:25:00.000-08:00

charcoal on paper

untitled male #1

2012-01-08T01:40:00.001-08:00

untitled male #1 (detail)
charcoal on paper

this was a pretty awful sketch in full, so I cropped it and now it isn't an eye-assault.

untitled male nudes #1 & #3

2012-01-06T17:20:00.000-08:00

untitled male nude #1

charcoal on paper

untitled male nude #3
charcoal on paper

I've finally found a subject I like drawing, and a new medium.
Get ready for 2012 to be filled with naked men.

[untitled male nude #2 was not posted, as he has a weird look on his face and I can't take that drawing seriously at all.]

hurry up

2011-12-31T01:02:00.001-08:00

we're dreaming

Just got my malenky rookers on M83's latest, Hurry Up, We're Dreaming. and for me, the above, appearing in the first song, "Intro", is the highlight of the album.

The songs are all very traditionally structured . . . and it's a good album, but very mainstream. Those that liked Saturdays = Youth and Before The Dawn Heals Us more than they liked M83, Digital Shades Vol. 1 and Dead Cities, Red Seas, and Lost Ghosts might like this album more more than I currently do.

Next to the greats ("Carresses", "Kelly", "Facing That", "Coloring The Void", "Teen Angst", &c.) this album pales a little bit . . .

I'll wait for it to get better with time.

historical fiction & the historical mind

2011-12-29T02:24:00.000-08:00

I don't feel like people try with historical fiction anymore. There's little respect for real history--the way things truly were. Characters often seem only haphazardly placed in centuries ago without really interacting with their setting, without it really reflecting in their character, in the make up of their mind or the patterns of their relationships. The setting, in the end, often only dictates what they wear and what they're fighting against.

I'm speaking obscurely I guess because I'm talking both about historical dramas in film and historical fiction in literature. Literature is always worse; in historical dramas they seem only to butcher costuming instead of the entire historical world, and the historical mind(s) a book is trying to recreate.

I can't remember which book it's from (and I'm kicking myself for not underlining it), but there's a quote from one of the books I got for christmas, either Domestic Affairs¹ or Good Wives², that says something like "the modern concept of equality is nearly incomprehensible to the premodern mind" which I think is one of the most important statements about people and relationships in the premodern world and is, of course, the most overlooked.

Historical fiction heroines are generally raging feminists who want to run around in trousers because they're not actually historical characters at all; they're modern characters, looking back on the past with a very narrow, unfinished view of it, which is supplimented with extremely modern feminist ideology, if only to make some shallow statement to pleasure our superiority complex over those in the past.

I don't want to go into an argument about oppression and gender at the moment, but I can assure you that women of the past did not have this notion of equality and how they were being denied it.

Not, even, did the lower classes, or the serving classes. If you really want to talk about oppression, or the complete lack of equality, forget about the roles of women, but take a look at the serving class, from roughly the Middle Ages to the 18th century, before capitalism started influencing the way the servant class viewed their roles. Those in the service were more or less regarded as children--adult, male and female alike--under the moral and religious guard of their master and mistress, who looked after their comings and goings, dictated their days, nights and even the conduct of their Sundays off.

I've gone on a small tangent, but the sentiment remains--no one seems to be truly recreating the historical mind in either historical drama or fiction. There is a small argument to be made that a character steeped fully in history, who is so achingly premodern as to be almost abstract, will not be able to connect to a modern reader, that they and their motives, actions, and reasonings might be so confounding and contrary to the reader's mind that the reader will be unsympathetic and ultimately uncaring.

If this is something an author is running into with their historical work, then perhaps they're writing about the wrong thing. Or, more likely, they're creating a modern dilemma in a premodern world. In that case, the proper setting needs to be found for their dilemma, and what is chafing must be abandoned, otherwise historical fiction turns into complete fantasy and should not be entitled to the label of 'historical fiction'.

However, we have always been human. We will always have the same desires, heartaches and needs. There is a universal ache of a purposeless life; a shared fear of the unknown, either in death or in countries uncharted and unexplored; an ubiquitous want to be accepted by our peers; and--the ultimate--the endless, relentless desire for sex. Those are the things that can be pulled forth for historical fiction from the premodern mind, and fully understood, fully sympathised and embraced by the modern reader.

But it's likely that I'm one of the few readers and writers who care so deeply about this representation of lost times and the people in them. In that case, I can only plead that you realise just how misrepresented much of history is in books and film and that, if you have any questions about accuracy, please come to me. I'll do my best to set you straight.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

¹Domestic Affairs: Intimacy, Eroticism, and Violence Between Servants and Masters in Eighteenth Century Britain by Kristina Straub

²Good Wives: Image and Reality in the Lives of Women in Northern New England, 1650-1750 by Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

this is my blog and I do what I want with it

2011-12-22T23:14:00.000-08:00

L A U R A : in progress

2011-12-16T23:03:00.000-08:00

Signatures of Laura, all cut, folded and standing by for assembly. I have two copies already bound, waiting for a cover. Just eighteen more to go...

12.13

2011-12-13T22:18:00.001-08:00

Spent the day with my friend Jack, "crafternooning", drinking tea, feeding horses, eating, and helping him start his modern art career.

plains

2011-12-03T16:56:00.000-08:00

. P L A I N S .

the Bibi

2011-12-02T15:16:00.000-08:00

A late Victorian era corset in pure white is my first custom commission, a Christmas present for a truly charming young lady in London. Being that we're only a few inches off in measurements, the corset fits me (relatively) well enough, so I slipped into it to take some photos.

the great Zizek

2011-11-27T18:09:00.000-08:00

Zizek press is this nifty little place where some very cool writers post all kinds of good quality nonsense. About cybersexuals, mumblecore, Hong Kong, Roald Dahl subversion, Pynchon the perv, spontaneous human combustion, chupacabras, Steve Martin, domination of eskimoes, et cetera . . .

The list, really, goes on. For ages. Centuries.

My most recent contribution to the madness is "Harris's List of Covent Garden Sex Robots", a pastiche modelled after the very real 18th century Harris's List of Covent Garden Ladies, a guide to all the prostitutes in the Covent Garden area of London.

You should really go and read it now. And the rest of the site. We have stories about Damon Albarn and his gold tooth, okay? That alone is worth its weight in, uh, gold.

11.25

2011-11-25T18:00:00.000-08:00

dad & brother // brother & slingshot

11.25.self

2011-11-25T03:19:00.001-08:00

New camera, new self potrait.

The photo also looks quite nice in black and white. I can't decide which version I like more . . .

in other news, I'm teaching myself Swedish.

phantoms to their graves

2011-11-19T18:36:00.000-08:00

. P H A N T O M S T O T H E I R G R A V E S .

graphite on paper with digital colour

The possible dead. Flowers and stillness; no eyebrows, no clear gender.

"There's an angel in the place of the boy next door"

formication fornication

2011-11-14T05:09:00.000-08:00

formication goes with fornication
like
parasthesia with anaesthesia
for psychosis of the cyanosis
chews the Lady Gemma Erythema
enanthem bubblegum with a
strawberry tongue, that
lover of the iron lung

sight seers & the Great Petechia
beg for acral necrosis full bliss
in full blossom
and full bloom
for
the greatest bigschool bully-teaser
is Bolivian hemorrhagic fever
and riddled in, the second Casear,
Black Pox
he's variola noir &
variola major
and
one-hundred per-cent
first-date
fatal

desquamation on shoddy claymation
sheens diaphoresis & candyness
to the
rash lesions & trash seasons
of black ash adhesions
maintained in
animal glue & tissue
we ask:
what are you
and
what did you do

formication live-in fornication
so my Lord's Prayer petitions, and
infringes with syringes--
O thy kingdom & O thy nation
deliver us from evil, would you,
deliver us from sensation

14/11/11

this might help

L A U R A

2011-11-10T03:45:00.001-08:00

Please help yourself to the image (right-click & save) to post and advertise it all about the internets.

E-copies for review will be available in late November/early December. Email me (address is under contact above) for more info.

all Laura, all the time

2011-11-10T02:23:00.000-08:00

peanut butter cover time

Here's what I do, kids, I sleep and then also I work on getting my novella Laura ready for printing. More exactly: for me to print, bind and sell.

Bad English aside, it's been nothing but success so far. The one person so far that has read it in full likes it, another friend has read chapter one and liked it, I am still pleased with the illustrations I've been doing, and GLORY OF ALL GLORIES something as complex [complex with air quotes] as a pdf booklet program actually worked on my dying, outdated mac.

Did I party? YOU BET I PARTIED*.

I have three illustrations left, which means it looks like the book's going to be 68 pages, most of them story. The illustrations are Francis Bacon-inspired black and white pieces done digitally, then printed out and smudged over, enhanced, and scribbled on with black and white charcoal and soft pastel, then re-scanned and adjusted in Lady Photoshop.

The title and chapter headers ("one", "two", "three", et cetera) are set in Blackletter LET but they've been hand-transferred with charcoal for a hand-drawn look--so it's still Gothic and traditional blackletter (representing the numerous Dracula references and excerpts in the novella), but it's been slightly scewed by being hand-trasnferred (because the novella is in first person, and Dracula has been integrated very much into the narrator's personal life and fantasies.)

You see, There Are Reasons For Everything**.

how did it feel to write a novella with Bram Stoker?
It felt awesome***.

I have tentatively decided that its only tagline/description is "a vampire story without any vampires" because, sweetheart, that's all I can really say without saying too much.

So even with all this talk of Dracula and the Undead my vampire story itch remains unscratched. I will, some day, write something with actual vampires in it.

Until then, my friends, we have Laura.

Limited Edition run of 20

Release date: JANUARY 2012
Price: prolly $15 USD
(price includes S&H within the continental US)

A non-illustrated ebook may be released as well.

_____________________________________________

*I thought about partying.
**sometimes.
***and also exactly like typing out passages from Dracula and writing one chapter that's a pastiche/sex fantasy. OH MY GOD NOW YOU WANT TO READ IT. Finally.

THE LAILY WORM & THE MACHREL OF THE SEA

2011-11-01T15:56:00.000-07:00

from my favourite childhood book, Animal Stories, this old ballad about a loathly worm and his sister, the machrel of the sea

“I was but seven year auld,
When my moder she did dee,
My father married the ae warst woman
The world did ever see.

“For she has made me the laily worm
That lays at the foot of the tree,
An o my sister Maisry
The machrel of the sea.

“An every Saterday att noon
The machrel comes to me,
An she takes my laily head
An lays it on her knee,
An kames it with a silver kame
An washes it in the sea.

“Seven knights ha I slain
Since I lay att the foot of the tree;
If y war na my ain father,
The eight one ye sud be.”

“Sing on your song, ye laily worm,
That ye sung to me;”
“I never sung that song
But what I wad sing to ye.

“I was but seven year auld,
When my moder she did dee,
My father married the ae warst woman
The world did ever see.

“She changed me to the laily worm
That lays att the foot of the tree,
An my sister Maisry
[To] the machrel of the sea.

“An every Saterday att noon
The machrel comes to me,
An she takes my laily head
An lays it on her knee,
An kames it with a siller kame
An washes it in the sea.

“Seven knights ha I slain
Since I lay att the foot of the tree;
If y war na my ain father,
The eight one ye sud be.”

He sent for his lady
As fast as sen could he:
“Where is my son,
That ye sent fra me,
And my daughter,
Lady Maisry?”

“Yer son is att our king’s court,
Sarving for meat and fee,
And yer daughter is att our queen’s court,
A mary sweet an free.”

“Ye lee, ye ill woman,
Sa loud as I hear ye lee,
For my son is the laily worm
That lives at the foot of the tree,
An my daughter Maisry,
The machrel of the sea.”

She has ta’en a silver wand
An gine him strokes three,
An he started up the bravest knight
Your eyes did ever see.

She has ta’en a small horn
And loud an shrill blew she,
An a’ the fish came her tell but the proud machrel,
An she stood by the sea:
“Ye shaped me ance an unshemly shape,
An ye’s never more shape me.”

He has sent to the wood
For hawthorn an fun.
An he has ta’en that gay lady,
And ther he did her burne.

the garden at night

2011-10-29T19:55:00.000-07:00

. . .

from Laura the novella

I am in the corner of the Art Therapy room. I have my feet together neatly on the floor, and am watching. It is important to be silent and watchful, like a shadow.

Everyone that works here is very patient. Their touches are always soft. They lay white hands on our arms, on the gentle weave of our robes, or the pale linen of our pyjama-clothes. They have silver wristwatches that shine under the cuffs of their sleeves. I can hear the ticking when one of them puts their hand on my arm, asks if I want to do some art today.

I am equipped with a bin of markers, some coloured paper.

I use a blue marker, because that is my favourite colour, and a black piece of paper, because it will be night time in the drawing.

The ink of the blue marker stretches wet and fibrous over the paper like the trail of a slug. The paper has pores like skin, and I wonder if anyone else knows that. I work quickly until the Art Therapist is called over by one of the nurses.

I have to show her what I’ve done.

She raises her brows at the black piece of paper and says she wants me to explain it.

I slam the paper against the window. It startles her and she flinches back.

With the light coming through the backside of the paper, you can see the blue now, and all the people I have drawn, impaled on long sticks.

“What is this?” the Art Therapist asks.

“It is a garden at night.” I say.

Lauras

2011-10-24T20:33:00.000-07:00

As some of you may know, I'm expanding my short story Laura into a novella, and I've been playing around with making different covers for the work once it's finished.

On top left is its original cover, for when it was just a short story (the link above will take you to that story). It features an okay digital illustration of a horse, which I did really quickly because I just wanted to finish it.

Top right is the zine cover edition, which features a digital illustration of Laura Palmer (original here), from Twin Peaks, and Fire Walk With Me, in vampire form. The novella is heavy on Dracula references, with a sprinkling of Twin Peaks and Carmilla, so trust me, this illustration makes sense.

The two on the bottom will forever be only mock ups, done just for fun, as the photo used is from National Geographic, and I stole it from tumblr. (Oh, tumblr!)

What the final will look like, I'm not quite sure. There's really no need for a cover, as I'm not going to release it myself as an ebook, and there's very (very very) little chance it will ever be traditionally published.

However, I may just embrace my madness and go ahead and make it available as a handmade limited edition zine/book. WHY NOT?

braid

2011-10-22T01:01:00.000-07:00

Originally, the platinum blonde was a step towards a soft lilac or purple-blue, but I'm liking the platinum so much I might keep it for a while.

snakes, ciggs & sausages

2011-10-15T01:44:00.000-07:00

drawn in the one and only SHARPIIIIEEEE

A new notebook turns into a nod to the Gorillaz, by way of Murdoc's attaché case game, which kept teenage me very busy when she wasn't writing (I didn't have the internet on my computer in those years, but I did have a Slowboat To Hades bonus disk featuring all the games from the website on it! I KNOW RIGHT?)

I drew almost every item from the game, turning it into one huge puzzle-like case of weird must-have items.

I don't really know what this is showing except hey, like, I really did do this myself? I dunno.

This game is why I like doodling knives, darts, poker chips, and even more knives.

Some of those doodles ended up in my book, and on the cover of Marc Horne's Nervous Teeth Drink All The Poison (which I not only designed the cover for, but named #awyeah.)

A bigger version of the cover can be seen here. (That first link takes you to a quasi-magical land where you can download the collection for free, which is what you should do because it is good and I like it and I said you should do it.)

Aaaaaand, if you want to play the game (why not? you have screencaps of the first four levels finished), you can do that right here.

bones & tones behind the scenes

2011-10-12T00:41:00.001-07:00

I'm doing some design work for the baritone and trombone section of the Fresno State marching band, and this is a behind-the-scenes sketch for the project.

SO COOL, HUH?

You love it.

- VLAD -

2011-09-22T01:22:00.000-07:00

No good has ever come of a Kasabian video featuring Noel Fielding as Vlad the Impaler, a webcam, make up, and Lady Photoshop.

This sort of thing keeps me sane.

card

2011-09-19T02:38:00.000-07:00

Just tired.

services I can offer that are not graphic design (with pictures!)

2011-09-17T21:27:00.000-07:00

A slightly lazily written summation of Things I Know which I can Tell You About. The tone is not very serious, but that's okay.

Historical Fiction Consultant

areas of knowledge include:

HISTORY OF COSTUME

the 1830s, a massive shit on dresses everywhere

from the Dark Ages to the 1920s. Primarily English and French. Stress on the American 1860s, the 16th century, mid-to-late 18th century and SUPER HELLA STRESS on corsets in every era and form.

I also know how, in theory, to make shoes, and a bit about old-timey cosmetics and beauty items. And because I make historical clothing, I know all about how that's done, how it used to be done, and what they used to use.

I know a bit about haberdashery and millinery.

COURTESANS

Kitty Fisher, "upper class hooker from the past"

I know a lot about upper class hookers from the past. Mostly the 18th and 19th century ones. If you want to know how all that worked, you come talk to me. It's more than "dudes had sex with them" (but not too much more.)

UNDEAD LORE

vampirism, also known as "Count Choculitis"

From back when the line between vampire and zombie was a bit fuzzy, to the Victorian Vampire craze, I can talk your ear off about what people used to think about those returning from the grave to eat your friends and family in some manner.

MARRIAGE LAWS AND PRACTICES (in ENGLAND)

they're probably cousins

From the Dark Ages to Edwardian times. From why brides stand on the left to where the term "being well endowed" comes from, I know it all. Publishing the banns, marrying your cousins, and just how many times you could legally kill your wife for cheating on you.

BABIES in the MIDDLE AGES - PRIMARILY MAKING and HAVING THEM

dudes knew what was up

Sex, basically. What was lawful, what was frowned upon by the church, how much you had to pay the King if you raped someone's slave or had sex with your sister. Also some nice Latin terms and slang for some of those "unspeakable" acts.

"Wash my hands?"

And midwifery. Birthing chairs, poultices, remedies, contraceptives, how long a woman was unclean, or "unworthy" to go to church after giving birth, how they thought babies were really made and who was responsible for it, and how they handled menstruation (and what weird shit they thought about it).

NAMING PRACTICES

Once you have them babies, you have to name them. I know a lot about English names in the Dark and Middle Ages, first and last (and when they started using last names and how they were constructed), English Renaissance, and some Dutch and French.

PLACE NAMING PRACTICES

Towns and stuff. I can help you name your cities using Old and Middle English and French roots that make sense.

this is probably pretty accurate

MEDIEVAL & RENAISSANCE CASTLES and VILLAGES

How they were set up, who ran what, what those titles were, what they called each room. Butteries, larders, keeps, fallow fields, baileys, that kinda stuff.

OTHER STUFF ABOUT THE MIDDLE AGES AND RENAISSANCE

a what?

I don't know anything about swords, though. Don't ask me about any of that fighting nonsense. They did it? They did the jousting. Horses and stuff.

CUISINE of LOTS OF ERAS

this is me and a huge table of Medieval food I made using recipes from the Forme of Cury.

Not only do I know what Chykkens in Hocchee is, but I've made it.

What kind of stuff they ate when. Why they thought tomatoes were poisonous, how many pounds of bread a person ate per week. What happened when England discovered sugar (they put it in everything), what happened when England discovered saffron (they put it on everything) and Other Things England Put On Everything once They Found Out You Could Eat It.

Most of this knowledge is from the Forme of Cury (late 15th century) but I know different European diets of the 15th to 19th century pretty well. I also know, in theory, how to make beer.

EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT THE OREGON TRAIL IS FROM THE VIDEO GAME

sucks for you, brah

BUY LOTS OF OXEN!

Things about Languages & Writing

NORSE RUNES

all of these

Need something written in Norse Runes? Just for fun or whatever? I know the Elder Futhark by heart, and if you want it in one of the other futhraks, I can do that too. ("Futhark" means "alphabet"). I don't know the Old Norse language, so it won't be super super authentic, but whatever.

OTHER ALPHABETS & SYSTEMS

that second part means "of the mighty penis"
it took ages to figure that out in glyphs and I think I could've done something better with my time, frankly

Like the Gothic alphabet. I also understand how to write names in Maya glyphs, so if you need that done, I can do that. I also know the Maya numbering system because it's super easy and babies could do it.

ALSO DIFFERENT CALLIGRAPHY FORMS

this one's from the 14th century I think? I can't remember.

I can write in them, imitating different eras and things.

GRAPHOLOGY

For what it's worth, I know how to read your handwriting and signature and wiggle out hypotheses about your personality. Modern psychology doesn't back up the legitimacy of graphology (their disdain for it is a bit severe) but, in my humble opinion, there are some things you can pick up about someone from the way they form their letters. By no means is graphology a hidden key to understanding everything about every person on earth, but if you're in the Western world and your primary language is English and, well, you're literate, I can make pretty good guesses as to what type of person you might be.

EDITING

yeah

I'm good at editing, and I really enjoy doing line edits. Not a lot of people know this, but I love dissecting writing, digging around for themes and basically telling you how you should do stuff.

I basically like bossing people around, but I'm not stupid, so I know they don't have to take my advice.

STORY STRUCTURE

I've studied screenwriting, so I know the traditional three and five act structures for stories. And also how to not make things suck in general when you're writing.

I WILL WRITE YOUR SCHOOL PAPER FOR FIVE DOLLARS

"the yellow dart"

What's the subject? Biology? NOT ANYMORE.

Blog Design isn't Really Graphic Design Per Se

But I can fiddle with blogger templates pretty well, and I can code brand spanking new widgets if you're not asking for the moon.

Historical Figures I Know A Lot About

have they named a sushi after this yet or what?

Cleopatra VII - she was the queen of something SUPER back in the day.

I was going to put up a portrait of the real Vlad, but google gave me Noel Fielding as the Impaler and I was just like BE STILL MY HEART

Vlad Ţepeş (Vlad the Impaler/"Dracula") - he was the Prince of Wallachia I am pretty sure don't quote me on that.

don't even get me started on that show 'The Tudors'.
The what? 'The Shitting On History'?

Henry VIII and all his wives & kids (ALL OF THEM) - there were lots of each!

QILF

Elizabeth I - she was a redhead.

Marie Antoinette aged 12. In two years you get to go marry the dude who's going to rule France one day. What? No one prepared you for being a queen? Oh well.

Marie Antoinette - she did the hair-ship thing once.

ART HISTORY!

srsly

I know more than most people about art history! Thankfully most people know nothing about art history, so I can say that without getting in trouble.

Seriously, though, I do know quite a bit. Especially when it comes to iconography and illuminated manuscripts. Symbolism in portraits, who painted what and why, what that kind of painting is called.

Things that Cause Delusions

One of my interests I don't really understand. But if it causes a delusion (and/or hallucinogenic) state, I've probably researched it. Temporal lobe epilepsy? DMT? Somatoparaphrenia? Yeah!

But I don't do drugs. It's not that kind of research, mom.

I Also Know Everything About The Gorillaz

You know, the band and the fictional characters. I draw them very well, too, so if you just HAVE TO HAVE a drawing of Uncle Muds, just hit me up.

I am also in the business of Unicorn Drawings for Twenty Bucks.

Corsetry

webcam sexy (?) 1790s styleeee

I make corsets, as you probably know. So if you want one made, I can make you a custom one. Out of anything. Newspaper, cantaloupe skins, or like satin or something. As long as you're paying, I don't care.

----------------------

I think that's it.

Now it's time to put this all on a business card.

suffice to say

2011-09-16T20:35:00.000-07:00

I've dropped out of college again.

I'll be back in the spring, though, to learn the beast that is Illustrator.

and there was Silence in Heaven

2011-09-15T21:24:00.000-07:00

from tumblr

drawing boredom

2011-09-12T21:48:00.001-07:00

[detail]

soft pastel, acrylic & prismacolour on paper

From my short-lived experiment of drawing & painting boredom.

I got bored with it.

(original is 12"x18")

scanning . . .

2011-09-12T21:31:00.000-07:00

an old unfinished sketch

I like it better this way

julius 2

2011-09-12T21:25:00.000-07:00

J U L I U S 2
ball point pen & coloured pencil on paper

nude in blue

2011-08-30T00:29:00.001-07:00

ACRYLIC ON PAPER

5.75" x 8.5"

Classic Sarah style, if there is one. I knocked this out in about an hour. Felt like painting, but didn't want to bother myself by painting anything particularily difficult. I may add some more layers, try to get a really smooth (ie, realistic) look out of it. It's promising, I guess.

writepoetry/commitsuicide

2011-08-29T00:28:00.001-07:00

pen on paper

re-composed digitally

I guess this is the sort of stuff I draw these days.
Okay.

stupidthings

2011-08-29T00:10:00.000-07:00

Found an old page of doodles. Decided to doodle some more on it.

TEXT:

I love you

Eggs are nice

I think people think stupid things about me

hair and cat photos

2011-08-26T00:15:00.000-07:00

improper love poems about fruits

2011-08-18T21:57:00.000-07:00

Improper Love Poems about Fruits is now available as a free download from Feedbooks. A collection of poetry (and some prose) mostly from 2009, with a few pieces dating all the way back to 2006/7.

Includes the pieces:

tuberculosis gardens
the wizard & I
makelove reindeer
cornflower
anima
girls
o hollow shells!
untitled
that is what I have heard, at least
pathis
suski
pyramid
sos chamine
scratch-the-nap
penny peach
orange blossoms
the glass
for six years on
uxor henri octa
unn þú mér, ann ek þér
dauðrinn
tin in the water
nightmare ii
give it up
julius

Get it while it's hot, kids.

death by destiny

2011-08-02T18:09:00.000-07:00

My most recent(ish) cover design, Death by Destiny by Kimberly Kinrade.

Also, my design portfolio blog is up and running.

teen angst

2011-07-29T19:42:00.000-07:00

TEEN ANGST // M83
click on the photo to listen

Revisiting some of the photos I took on my trip to England last year.
These were taken at a BBQ we had in Manchester.

portrait commission

2011-07-20T19:17:00.000-07:00

graphite on bristol board

8 x 10"

I guess you could say

2011-07-04T23:12:00.000-07:00

Falling in love with We Made The Team by The Radio Dept all over again.

in the morning we said nothing at all

2011-06-27T17:15:00.000-07:00

KEEN ON BOYS by The Radio Dept.

Just playing around in photoshop. The top image is from an editorial (don't have any info for it), and the photograph of the trees layered over the text is my own.

the new blog

2011-06-12T20:52:00.001-07:00

So, I have a new blog. I named it after one of my favourite phrases, which is something that escapes my mouth more often than it should, and it is already the home of some Paulie-style rambling about nothing much. It is, my friends, I Hate Everything.

If you were a fan of Paulie back in the day, and all his ego and attitude, or if you're just interested in lurking around and finding out what I'm like as a person, I highly recommend following it.

This blog will remain a home for updates about my creative works.

love children for vanity

2011-06-08T21:27:00.000-07:00

I will never, ever understand the white matte halo function in iPhoto. It either looks terrible, or, with very small photos like this, hilarious.

It's just like Creepy Eye in Pastels.

Oh man, iPhoto and Photo Booth . . . what love children you create for my vanity.

I feel like all of this post is just a really bad idea, but man, I'm just trying to talk about a tie-dye shirt

2011-06-08T01:01:00.000-07:00

So I've been dying things black, right?

Wrong. They've been coming out purple. Of course, I knew it would do that, I was just too stubborn and too cheap to use the double amount of dye needed to get things actually black and not some strange purple colour.

It's all on me, guys.

But guess what? I'm good with living with my mistakes.

Currently, I'm living in this one, a lavender tie-dye mess-o-shirt.

ME AND THE SHIRT LOOK WEIRD IN THIS PICUTRE,
HENCE THIS PICTURE:

SO YOU CAN SEE THAT IT'S CROPPED,
AND THAT'S WHY IT'S HANGING WERID, NOT BECAUSE
I HAVE MY HANDS UNDER THE SHIRT OR ANYTHING.
BUT I DON'T LIKE THIS PHOTO, IT LOOKS LIKE
A SAD ATTEMPT AT WEBCAM SEXY, WHICH IS USUALLY
NEVER SEXY AND ALSO NOT WHAT I WAS GOING FOR.
MAYBE I JUST NEED TO KEEP MY MOUTH CLOSED
IN PHOTOS OR SOMETHING, BUT SINCE WHEN IS
SLIGHTLY OPEN MOUTHS JUST LIKE WOAH WOAH, THIS IS HOT?

I FEEL LIKE I HAVE THE RIGHT TO NOT CLOSE MY
MOUTH ALL THE WAY IF I WANT TO, YOU KNOW, AND
IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT THEN YOU CAN JUST DEAL WITH IT?

ALSO I MESSED WITH THESE PHOTOS A LOT
BECAUSE WEBCAM PHOTOS ALWAYS LOOK CRAPPY
NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, SO I WAS LIKE
LET'S EMBRACE THIS
AND I MADE THEM ALL TOOTHY-NOISE-O-WHATEVER.

Anyway, the dye didn't take very well, and it came out this pastel purple nonsense, instead of this great greyish thing it was when I first dyed it.

There are probably tie dye directions out there, but, you know, it's not like I'm going to read them.

Nah, I'm gonna do it the way I think it's supposed to be done, and then take weird pictures of me in the final result and post the photos with way too many captions underneath and then regret the entire thing.

Except the shirt, it's pretty alright after all.

It's not bad.

PAS

MAL,

MES

AMIS.

Thanks for reading, guys. You're all like jewels. Like rare jewels in some kind of forgotten forest of undiscovered plants that cure cancer, so really, you know, there are better things out there, but people are greedy and will probably take the jewels because that'll get you more money quicker. And then, you know, you can buy a boat and sexy ladies'll come dance on it.

That's what happens when you have a boat.

Oh man, my dad just bought a boat. I'm not even kidding. It's from the 50s and I think he wants to water ski on it?

I don't know. I wasn't consulted about the purchase.

I mean, it's his boat. I'm not going near the thing.

I could talk about my hair for ages (and you'd LOVE it)

2011-06-05T20:15:00.000-07:00

If you know me, you know that I like The Mighty Boosh.

Actually, that's a complete lie. I'm not sure all [two] of my friends know I like The Mighty Boosh.

This is off to a good start. How To Hook Your Online Audience: Lie To Them About Your Personal Life Because They're Idiots Anyway.

Also No One Reads Your Blog So Who Cares.

Anyway, the Boosh is great, hilarious, psychadelic, filled with weird disturbing creatures and characters and, at the heart of it, are a pair best friends, Vince Noir (Noel Fielding) and Howard Moon (Julian Barratt)

THESE GUYS
Vince (L) and Howard (R)

Yesterday, it donned on me why I like the show so much. And guess what? It's not just your run of the mill wild attraction to Noel Fielding. It is because, my dear friends, Vince and Howard and are like me and every close friend I've ever had.

You've got Vince: vain, obsessed with his hair, his clothes, wants to be a rock star but really has no musical talent, is into electro, "making shapes", a bit punk, a bit mod, and kind of an idiot; and Howard: normal(ish), into jazz (ie awful music), is more responsible, probably has some kind of proper education, wears lots of cardigans.

Looking at the two of them, you really have no idea how or why they're friends.

Ta-dah, me and my best friend. (Obviously, I am Vince.)

So, in the end, I get it. I relate to being a very strange, very hair-obsessed person with a normal best friend who likes wearing cardigans.

Seriously you have no idea how many cardigans Kelly has.

So many cardigans.

a think tank

2011-06-05T14:03:00.000-07:00

and you trip over yourself
and you think to yourself
why am I here?
I'm here cos I got no fucking CHOICE
.
.
.
I'm the original
I'm the original
when it comes to the suburbs
I'm the original
.
.
.

more evidence that I do, indeed, exist / whitney's raging bday

2011-06-05T13:37:00.001-07:00

Photos of me rarely happen. I'm like one of those exotic birds, deep in the jungle, that you might hear about, but will most likely never see, let alone capture on film.

I AM THE ONE ON THE RIGHT

I AM NOT THE ONE ON THE RIGHT
THIS TIME I AM ON THE LEFT

What do I come out for? Birthday parties.

Happy Birthday Whitney (again). Your party was raging.

#raging

corpse hands

2011-06-03T21:59:00.000-07:00

Spending the evening dying clothes black gives you, what I like to call, corpse hands.

Always classy.

carousels

2011-05-30T18:56:00.000-07:00

Carousels

Fake ink on my left inner arm. It's only about .75" x 2".

I'm far, far too poor for real tattoos.

p the p

2011-05-29T22:17:00.000-07:00

graphite and soft pastel on paper

6.5" x 12"

The only thing that interests me visually is this nightmarish creature called Paulie the Ponyboy. He shifts between being a grotesque half animal, half human, with a mouth full of carnivore teeth, a reptilian lethargy in his muscles, to something more human, more sympathetic, sliding between genders.

Whatever the variation, he is always pale and sharp, dark-headed and unnerving.

This drawing is a fairly good feel for one of these identities (though I am not quite in love with it, and it is not a definitive illustration). The eyes without irises give it an eerie, unknown feeling, as though he's staring right at you while being completely blind.

look at this now, look at how cool my hair is

2011-05-29T00:19:00.001-07:00

I do nothing to my hair except wash it, and this is how great it decides to be for me. Perfect little curls, weird flips.

I'm growing out for forever. As long as I can stand it. Hopefully I'll just have a cascade of long, gorgeous auburnish locks with my shaved sides, or, as best described, the "double undercut".

So sweet.

Also & PS: I am good looking, so where's my boyfriend already? Goodness.

GOODNESS.

And . . . oh yeah I guess I'm interesting or whatever good personality. I cook better than your grandma does yes I do shut up.

But this post is basically about how good I look right now.

unicorns and clownfysh

2011-05-25T13:33:00.000-07:00

A while ago on twitter I made what was probably (originally) a joke about drawing unicorns for $20. I think maybe an hour later, I'd made a sale, and around a week later @clownfysh had his drawing (which ended up being a single-colour painting) of the origami unicorn from Blade Runner.

The best part about all of this? He took pictures of himself looking happy with the drawing!

Working online with 99% of my clients means that I don't really ever get to see their faces when they receive their artwork or redesign (or music mix!)

So to actually get to see this, well, it made my day. As cheesy as it sounds, it is beautiful and wonderful to know that my art can make someone else happy (or at least get a smile out of them.)

So thanks MT.

And yes, unicorn drawings are still just $20. I sign them and draw them with my eyes open and everything.

You don't need to invite Sherlock to your party. He will invite himself.

2011-05-22T15:39:00.001-07:00

Sherlock, please stop playing the violin. You've had too much to drink and the other guests are very tired of "Turkey in the Corn".

I keep a work journal to keep track of what I do each day. You know, what I drew for who, what I shipped, what I submitted, when I received payments and/or commissions, who I emailed about Important Things.

Some days, though, I don't do much work and instead draw cartoons about Sherlock Holmes wrecking your party with his cocaine habit and violin playing.

Cindy Sherman's the tits, you guys

2011-05-21T22:42:00.001-07:00

“I like making images that from a distance seem kind of seductive, colorful, luscious and engaging, and then you realize what you’re looking at is something totally opposite. It seems boring to me to pursue the typical idea of beauty, because that is the easiest and the most obvious way to see the world. It’s more challenging to look at the other side.” — Cindy Sherman

The only thing I'm interested in: the other side.

am I emo? / there were no bellies

2011-05-21T21:46:00.001-07:00

Aaaaah you guys! This page! I remember it!

I was a wee ten or eleven years old, somehow having gotten my malenky rookers on a Seventeen magazine, and there it was, my first exposure to the trend known as "emo".

My teen magazine reading habits stopped around the time I actually became a teen, if I remember right. Which was good, cause them is whack.

All magazines are whack. They just want you to buy shit.

You really don't need to.

You just need to be emo.

Preferably emo circa 2001, with your belly showing. Cause, yeah, like, remember all those emo kids with the bellies goin on?

No, no one does cause that wasn't a thing. It wasn't.

There were no bellies.

how to sew cool things

2011-05-21T21:26:00.000-07:00

1. tear apart old dress for the hideously ugly mustard coloured lace overlay

2. cut blindly

3. sew together

4. try on

5. think it's BALLS

6. let it sit on the chair for a half hour

7. take it in about four inches

8. take it in some more

9. then some more

10. decide that it is OKAY but pretty much impossible to wear because it's sheer lace and a weird cut and you have no undershirts that will possibly work with it

PREDICTION:

It will find a home on the floor somewhere for a few months, until I forget about it, then rediscover it, then finally figure some weird way to wear it.

Then I'll wear the HELL out of it.

And I will look like crazytowns, which is my look.

sarah knows nothing about palm reading, but whatever

2011-05-15T22:46:00.000-07:00

I don't know anything about palm reading. Okay, that's a lie.

I know enough about palm reading to know that the lines in my palm should definitely, definitely not look like they do.

I'm not sure of all the names, but the one at the top that's supposed to be a curve is just a line, and there's a complete lack of a fate line, that vertical crease you're supposed to have under your ring finger.

But, my friends, the real problem is with the life line of my left hand.

The second I heard anything about palm reading, when I was a kid, I looked at that "line" on my hand and, basically, was like what the fuck is this I AM GOING TO DIE PROBABLY?!

I mean, I am going to die, because we all die.

Yes, we do.

But the problem is, my life line is just completely severed. I have two life lines, basically, and right in the middle, they run parallel for a while, until the original life line decides to go fuck off and run straight into my head line.

SEE BELOW

look at this picture I drew before I realised I could've just scanned my hand and
evaded being stuck with a creepy, although accurate, drawing of my left hand
LOOK AT HOW TALENTED I AM.

I imagine this all being kind of like a frightening, horrid car crash that would be funny if you weren't in it. Imagine, if you will, you were in a wee car, on a road that is my life line. You'd be expecting to turn left eventually. But then, you go straight, you go straight, you see the . . . the other part of the road? It's, like, over there, it's and . . . oh, there it goes. Yeah, we're over here now. There are two roads when there sure as hell should only be one, cause no one's supposed to have two lives going on at the same time, and then, what's that? Wee car is headed right for head line (aka a GIANT and SUDDEN MOUNTAIN RANGE).

Your children look out the back window of the car, hands pressed to the glass as you spot the complete dead end and go

WHAT

THE

FUCK

and then die.

By crashing into my head line.

And then, presumably, you're reincarnated and, like . . . I mean, what's with the rest of that life line? What the hell's going on here?

Of course, my right hand is right as rain.

Ha. Ugh.

But seriously, you guys, I'm going to multiply and then die and then come right back.

All without anyone noticing.

TA-DA. Palm reading.

Adding it to my CV, motherscratchers.

preen

2011-05-11T17:33:00.000-07:00

Simon Preen, via the one and only Kingdom of Style

A-MAZING.

Regardless of how impractical it seems to me (or intimidating; I'm not a fan of anything skin-tight about the waist), I still want it and will probably try to make something like it myself.

2011-05-10T13:41:00.000-07:00

This screenshot is just hanging out on my computer at school. It was originally taken for Paulie's blog, but dude -- I'M the one that likes Jake and Amir.

I mean, check out that classy shocker.

(This is from one of the funniest episodes, "Bucket List")

HOLD

2011-05-09T15:25:00.000-07:00

headless hound

2011-05-06T18:38:00.001-07:00

stupid drawings are stupid

2011-05-06T17:05:00.001-07:00

It's difficult being this much of a perfectionist. I don't like spending a lot of time (anything over ten minutes) on a drawing, and then not having it come out 100% brilliant and perfect and beyond reproach.

Because such a drawing is impossible, everything I draw ends up pissing me off.

This is why I have tons of sketches scattered everywhere, unfinished. As far as technique goes, they're fine and lovely, but I'm not proud of them as a whole; at best, they're just examples of how I can draw rather well, but still can't do exactly what I want.

Add the fact that I really, really hate the way I draw (and have since I was about 17) and, well, nothing I do is likely to please me.

I still keep on trying, though.

I'm graduating. I'm getting a degree in Something. I am Responsible and an Adult.

2011-05-05T17:02:00.000-07:00

If my life were like TV, or a book, or like a movie or whatever, I'd have these ridiculously awesome close friends (both in friendship-ness and just geographically), who'd eerily know and understand and empathise with my bitterness in inevitably facing all of my fellow 2007 grads getting their Bachelor degrees this month.

One of these fine people would then, knowing my long-time love of Homestar Runner, write me up a fake degree from Crazy Go Nuts University to put on my wall, and I would feel better.

In lieu of these types of friends that don't really exist -- only because it's my nature to not really be that close to people (both friendship wise and . . . maybe not so much geographically, that's my fault for still living with my parents) -- I'm going to have to make my own degree from Crazy Go Nuts University.

I'm going to major in Awesome and double minor in Knowing More Than You In General and Indian-Giving.

It's gonna be so legit.

Go Jolly Dumples!

guest post - Scott Beatty shares his Potato-Only Casserole Recipe

2011-05-04T20:24:00.000-07:00

From the kitchen of my dear friend Scott comes this classic recipe for Potato-Only Casserole.

Hi, guys, today I made one of my favorite dinners, and I thought it would be nice to share the recipe with y'all fine folks. This recipe has been in the family for at least two hours, and is always a hit when you're alone and financially irresponsible. Here ya go!

UNCLE SCOTT'S WORLD FAMOUS POTATO-ONLY CASSEROLE

What you'll need:

A violin

The internet

Paper towels and degreaser

10 small russet potatoes

A trash can

STEP 1:

Buy a violin. When you get home, realize that you have very little food, and that because of your recent purchase, you have only 12 dollars to get you to your next paycheck, and that money will probably be spent on gas.

STEP 2:

Search your cupboard until you find that bag of potatoes you told yourself you were gonna make stew with, and then forgot about. Decide that potatoes are better than Top Ramen.

STEP 3:

Heat your oven to about 400 degrees, and place the potatoes inside. Be sure to forget to poke holes in the potatoes, this is crucial for step 5.

STEP 4:

Surf the internet until you forget that the oven is on, and learn to play Swing Life Away by Rise Against on your ukulele.

STEP 5:

Smell something burning and remember the potatoes. Rush to the oven, turn it off, open the oven door and apartment door to let the smoke out. Wait for the oven to cool, and then clean up the three potatoes that exploded because no holes were poked in them.

STEP 6:

Throw away the potatoes when you realize they've gone bad and taste awful. Cook some Top Ramen.

Enjoy!!

empire

2011-05-02T15:13:00.000-07:00

Some behind-the-scenes photos from filming for my Twin Peaks inspired short film "Empires" last night.

Photos by Amandine & Sarah (writer/director/make up artist/costumer/editor and everything else), with Kelly Mitchinson as the Laura Palmer character.

2011-04-29T16:51:00.001-07:00

JETHRO CAVE

from macushla burke photography

hair twins/inspiration

(also just gorgeous)

1710s dress

2011-04-22T16:57:00.001-07:00

This is what boring people do on their spring breaks -- make dresses from the 18th century.

Drafted out from an antique, it fits me pretty much perfectly (which is why being a very short and small person is sometimes handy).

Compared to other centuries, the silhouette and basic design of women's wear in the 18th century changed very little. This dress could pass as being from almost any decade of the 18th century (except the last couple).

It has a 24" waist with a (probably) 33-34" bust.

I made it in three days, using fabric and notions I already had, so it didn't cost me anything except time.

Some in-progress photos:

caps poetry

2011-04-12T00:51:00.000-07:00

I completely forgot I did this, but then -- REMEMBERED LIKE A CHAMP.

Poetry made using only the words in all caps in the emails to and from Robert James Russell. They seem to suggest what the email's really about(?)

(Some of the words are mine, some of them are his)

this is mostly about handsome young men

so old

best ever

fellatio

really big

fellatio

this is one of those long, bored emails

love

anything

I make the stupid things

what the hell?

never happened

this is one of those long, bored emails (part 2)

trying

If you use this to your advantage so help me--!

sympathy and understandddddddiiiinnnnnnggggg

I'm right

this is one of those long, bored emails (part 3)

fairly

hope

this is one of those long, bored emails (part 4)

ew

ajkldfjklffdjklsfdjklsdfjklsdgngfbnmnbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbburgers

believe achieve

terrible

she knooooowwwwwwwssss

you know

terrible

things that are terrible

no

ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

dun dun dun

so much work

this one this one this one don't read the other one

yup

I don't know what to do

so much work

success

finally

but whatever

oh oh oh

you shut up about that

whatever

blech

_________________________________________________________

The first one is really my favourite. It makes it sound like I email him about some . . . interesting topics. But, really, it was just luck.

Me and my emails are still as boring as ever.

on dyscalculia

2011-04-10T19:01:00.000-07:00

I'm fantastically bad at math. I can add well and that's about it; I never figured out fractions, have a very hard time subtracting and dividing, and can only multiply very, very small numbers (they either have to be both under 5, or one of them has to be under 5, the other has to be under ten; I have a very hard time with two numbers over 5, even if they're still under 10).

When dealing with numbers in my head, I need complete silence, stillness, and a solid minute or two to figure it out. I can't have any distracting visuals because I have to visualise the numbers and keep them stable, which is extremely difficult. Numbers slip in an out of each other (they have counterparts, based on numerical doubling, tripling and visual similarities) and sometimes I have a hard time remembering just how many the numbers over 5 equal. Sure, the image of a 5 might be understood, but I can't remember what it means.

Dealing with more than two numbers is very difficult (as in 32 + 43 + 21) There is some sort of hole in my understanding that 21 is not two numbers (the 2 and the 1), but rather a single number, representing one unified idea. To me, 21 is the same as 12, 2 and 1 (which are free to move about the equation), or 27 (7 and 1 being switched for visual similarities and the idea that 7 x 3 is 21, hence, there's a 7 somewhere in that number. The 3 doesn't factor in in replacing one of the number units, because it doesn't resemble a 2 or a 1.)

In the equation above, I have to remember six numbers in the right pattern (32 and 43 would pose huge problems in transpositioning themselves), and remember what they all mean, and then I have to do the math, which usually ends up being horrifically wrong.

I won't get into how I go about actually doing math. But, basically, I have to break them into units of 10 and fill in the gaps. This is all done visually, like in a tetris sort of way.

So, what does this all mean? It means that I probably (I'll say probably just to be safe, but I'm almost completely sure) have dyscalculia.

From wikipedia -

Dyscalculia is a specific learning disability involving innate difficulty in learning or comprehending mathematics. It is akin to dyslexia and includes difficulty in understanding numbers, learning how to manipulate numbers, learning math facts, and a number of other related symptoms.

Why am I bringing it up? Well, dyscalculia is estimated to affect from either 3-6% or 1-7% of the population, while dyslexia affects 5-10% -- so the two disabilites are in the same range. We've all heard of dyslexia; schools recognize it as a learning disability and give students alternate options for essay writing and test taking, yet I have never even heard before of dyscalculia. If dyscalculia is a similar style of disability, and is in the same range (under 10%), then why is no one aware of it? I had to suffer through years and years of math classes without any pardon or recognition that no, I was not stupid, I just have a learning disability.

I had to take both algebra I and II twice to pass with very low C's (after failing them with solid F's.) Combined with the year of geometry I was required to take, I took 5 years worth of math classes in 4 years of high school to pass just 3 clases. I didn't get special help, wasn't offered extra time to take my tests, instead I was treated as someone that was stupid, or just wasn't trying. I find this to be absolutely disgusting. No, not everything in life is fair, but it's horrid to make someone suffer through that for years and years while dyscalculia's cousin, dyslexia, is understood, sympathised with, and given pardon.

Some of you may be unconvinced, or wary because I've self diagnosed, but these are the common symptoms of dyscalculia. I've put all the ones I suffer from in bold.

• Frequent difficulties with arithmetic, confusing the signs: +, −, ÷ and ×.

• Difficulty with everyday tasks like checking change and reading analog clocks.

• Inability to comprehend financial planning or budgeting, sometimes even at a basic level; for example, estimating the cost of the items in a shopping basket or balancing a checkbook.

• Difficulty with multiplication-tables, and subtraction-tables, addition tables, division tables, mental arithmetic, etc.

• May do fairly well in subjects such as science and geometry, which require logic rather than formulae, until a higher level requiring calculations is obtained.

• Many of those who suffer from dyscalculia may have parents who perform well to excellent in Mathematics-related fields (such as architects, engineers, or math teachers), though this connection has yet to be genetically linked.

• Difficulty with conceptualizing time and judging the passing of time. May be chronically late or early.

• Particularly problems with differentiating between left and right.

• Might do exceptionally well in a writing related field- many authors and journalists have this disorder

• Difficulty navigating or mentally "turning" the map to face the current direction rather than the common North=Top usage.

• Having particular difficulty mentally estimating the measurement of an object or distance (e.g., whether something is 10 or 20 feet (3 or 6 metres) away).

• Often unable to grasp and remember mathematical concepts, rules, formulae, and sequences.

• An inability to read a sequence of numbers, or transposing them when repeated, such as turning 56 into 65.

• Difficulty keeping score during games.

• Difficulty with games such as poker with more flexible rules for scoring.

• Difficulty in activities requiring sequential processing, from the physical (such as dance steps or sports) to the abstract (signaling things in the right order). May have trouble even with a calculator due to difficulties in the process of feeding in variables.

• The condition may lead in extreme cases to a phobia or durable anxiety of mathematics and mathematic-numeric devices/coherences.

• Inability to concentrate on mentally intensive tasks.

• Low latent inhibition, i.e., over-sensitivity to noise, smell, light and the inability to tune out, filtering unwanted information or impressions. Might have a well-developed sense of imagination due to this (possibly as cognitive compensation to mathematical-numeric deficits).

• Mistaken recollection of names. Poor name/face retrieval. May substitute names beginning with same letter.

Some of these are more severe than others. I am extremely bad at judging the passing of time (or even being aware of the time), have very poor depth perception at great distances, often transpose numbers more often than remembering them correctly, and could never ever tell you how far away something is, or how many people were at a party. And, even though I'm kind of ashamed of this, I do have trouble using a calculator.

I'm going to be raising awareness as best I can for dyscalculia. There is no reason people like me should suffer through the ridiculous amounts of math classes the school system requires without some recognition of the disability (or "difference" as some of prefer to be called). I don't see it as something that can be cured, or should be attempted to be cured, but there are ways to work with and around it.

End point? Dyscalculics aren't stupid; we just don't understand numbers.

on the threshold of eternity

2011-03-30T12:24:00.000-07:00

Just taught myself how to play this song.

THE SNAKE THE CROSS THE CROWN : ON THE THRESHOLD OF ETERNITY

the paint will peel, the trees will sadly sway

bread-and-butter

2011-03-25T15:12:00.000-07:00

Bread-and-butter when we are hungry; water when we are thirsty; apples and honey, hawthorn and wild violets, Painted Lady and goldfinch, pond and stream, the sea and its sand-dunes, snow and ice, sunshine, moonshine, starlight, smells and colours, game and talk, bed, sleep and dreams. Our pleasure and interest in things like these need never grow stale, fail us, cheat us or wear out.

- WALTER DE LA MARE
from the introduction to ANIMAL STORIES

hand study

2011-03-20T00:12:00.001-07:00

I've always liked drawing hands. Maybe because they're easy for me, though I do have my "can't draw hands" days.

This is a rather pleasing trio. Nice to remind myself that I know how to draw.

Now I can go back to not drawing anything for a few months.

I don't like how "draw" is in every line of this post.

AGH I BOTHER MYSELF SO MUCH. No wonder I don't blog much anymore.

TIP update

2011-03-17T01:16:00.000-07:00

Have redesigned the cover for This is Paulie.

Ribs, which seem to be iconic for the piece, and the only colour I really approve of: blue.

some sort of personal update

2011-03-17T00:36:00.000-07:00

I've mentioned here and there for the past month or so that I've stopped writing. It's not a decision I've made; writing has never been an independent decision. I've mentioned how I never set out to be a writer, how writing chose me -- there were stories, characters, things I had to write down so I could clear my head out and try to function as a normal person.

And guess what?

The stories have stopped.

For the first time since I was about thirteen, my head is clear, and I feel I can actually live for myself now.

Though writing left me behind, it feels, in some small part, the other way around, that I have left it, but only in the sense that it gives me enough courage to leave other things behind, too -- that I can adapt, free and only myself.

It's been three years since I dropped out of [real] college, and since then I have been living more or less the exact same life. I've had about three or four month (combined) stints of working in this time, but the rest has been nothing but easy A community college classes (I have three times the humanities requirements I need to get my AA and no other requirements filled) and writing, endless writing, the mental strain of being trapped in my own head.

At the moment I'm unmuddled, unburdened, and very happy about it.

I can't say if I'll ever write again or not write again; maybe it was a phase, maybe it's just faded away for a few years, or months, but with this newfound freedom I plan to actually live my own life, instead of being trapped in the farce worlds of others'.

I'm going to go back to college.

I don't know where, or what I'll major in.

I don't know how I'll afford it. Honestly, I can't. At all. [don't say "FAFSA" or "scholarships", please; it's a complex situation]

But I'm going to do it. Going to do something. Be a young person. Act my age (which is something that's very hard to do when you're depressed, I think. It ages you poorly.)

So this is good.

(I still really want to study dead languages. I really will regret it for the rest of my life if I never learn Latin. At least Latin. I won't even get started on all the other languages I want/need to learn.)

stars stars stars

2011-03-06T20:00:00.000-08:00

Dolce & Gabbana FW 11/12

I follow fashion somewhat closely. Not that closely -- I don't know every trend of every season, but I know what I like when I see it. Usually I'm not a D&G fan at all, but these are too Alphonse-Mucha-esque to resist.

I hope this fabric gets picked up and knocked the hell off. I could handle having a flowing, sheer, starry maxi dress for the summer.

2011-03-06T00:09:00.000-08:00

PYRAMID

I wrote this in my sleep. No joke. Not sure if it was worth writing down or not, but watch me care.

We feed each
other
my fork, your mouth
your fork, my
mouth
sup from my bowl, I sup
from yours
and then after
we masturbate
on either side of
the bed sometimes while
watching tv

ECHOES
this one was written conscious

Saturday nights are the nights where you sit alone kinda lonely, but not too much, listening to music that acoustic-aches, makes space. Makes space, lots of space, even more space so you can feel empty, so you can feel -- can feel -- can feel -- something.

this one I didn't write.

"A serpent is entwined by a serpent, the male serpent is bitten by the female serpent, the female serpent is bitten by the male serpent. Heaven is enchanted, earth is enchanted, the male behind mankind is enchanted."

2011-03-06T00:01:00.000-08:00

I miss having passion.

tow that(?)

2011-02-27T21:55:00.000-08:00

A rather improper use of the Elder Futhark of Norse Runes, found at Shop The Far Out.

Okay, so it's not too horrendous of a job. They got the T right with the use of Tiwaz, and the H with Hagalaz, but screwed up when it came to representing the letter P. Yeah, they used Wunjo, which is a W.

And the triangle O and A? No idea where those came from. Definitely not runes. Not Elder, Younger, Dalecarlian, Anglo-Frisian (or -Saxon), Marcommanic, or Medieval (short twig) runes.

If someone has any idea of what they are or where they came from, let me know. I'd be interested in seeing which cultures they're mashing here.

myths RETOLD!

2011-02-25T00:26:00.000-08:00

My latest project? Redesigning the unbelievably hilarious blog Myths RETOLD!

If you're unsure just what Myths RETOLD! might be, well, it's a place where classical myths, from Greco-Roman to American tall tales, meet modern, colloquial language.

Basically, there are lots of "bad words."

It's so much awesome and I am completely honoured to be in any way affiliated with it.

So go check it out and thank me later.

ALSO: Kudos if you can site where the banner and the background image inspiration came from.

evidently I made this

2011-02-18T21:51:00.000-08:00

Found this in my "wall photos" album on facebook.

Weird.

charlotte fantino lookbook 1

2011-02-15T14:03:00.000-08:00

Featuring the Absinthe Silk Waist Cincher.

Available soon on Etsy.

valentine's day: the gpoy edition

2011-02-14T16:38:00.000-08:00

Look at how cute I am in my new glasses! D'awwwwwwwwwww.

Happy Valentine's to all you friends and followers! I love yo . . .rk.

Yeah, I Love York.

But seriously, though, that's my wicked "I Love York" shirt (from, yes, you guessed it -- York.) Way better than I Love NY.

Also, those would be my new glasses. Or just "glasses", as it's not like they replaced an old pair. First glasses. Still have 20/20 vision, technically, but have a problem with up close work and seeing the computer screen. So these are "only for when I'm working", and "work" entails all computer use, reading, drawing, painting, sewing, embroidering, which is what I do all day at home, and I'm home five days out of the week.

So yeah, not for "everyday wear". You know. This all makes sense.

But they make me look super smart and maybe like I know what I'm talking about. Hence I like them very much. Oh and I can see the computer screen ALL DAY! It doesn't go blurry anymore!

NICE.

GALAXY NAILS

2011-02-08T13:24:00.001-08:00

the eden bird II

2011-02-04T15:33:00.000-08:00

Linda brought flowers, and they set off in the morning

there was a temperature change, the cold black shadows were changing, something drawing them away, exposing her soul to the world again

those tenuous vibrations far off in the world, the wavering, spiritual quivering of the animals and the grasses; the clouds sweeping over the sun: the sun sidling behind the hills. There was a beat in the world lying under the string of the silence. Above was the tenuousness, and below the beat; maybe it was a heart shaking and maybe it was the soft, soft tremble of dried sugar-pea seeds in their pods

She looked up at him and kissed him. It was so sad, she thought, that they needed this

If I could truly live for one day, I would die the next and be happy

this was the slow sink into death and nothingness, and it looped like a feather

and it’s okay to cry when the wind sways the tops of the trees, and when you hear the leaves rustling; it’s okay to cry because it’s so beautiful. It’s okay to be filled with so much joy and so much harmony with the world that you have to cry sometimes to make room for more

there is nothing in this world for me but you

light will fill our eyes like cataracts

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

line excerpts from the abandoned 2009 novel, The Eden Bird

the eden bird

2011-02-04T15:26:00.000-08:00

Yes, yes, ‘we begin to die even as we are born--

we’ll always be in slavery -- always. All life is is just shuffling between masters

enslaved to everything beyond us -- all of this bullshit. But it only means something to us because we tell ourselves it does. But it’s really bullshit, every last bit of it

I’m getting everything out of the way, you see? All these silly doctrines and laws and identities; I’ve all of the words, and I’m crossing all the bad ones out

people were always rotten, but the world was beautiful

he was really a wild thing, a wild animal

lots of wanting and lots of lust, but never real love

We’re not here together so I can prove anything -- who would I be trying to prove anything to?

It was the sea, it was the sea, and they were two beings very deep in, now, struggling to stay on the surface. With any luck they would sink to the bottom, never returning to the way things were before. They would be still on the ocean floor, dead in each other’s arms

brooding

you’re the person I’ve always wanted to be

kinetics --

but he was a wild bird whose clothes didn’t fit. He often looked either melancholy and caged; conquered by the good company, or alive and excited in the eyes, ready to flee at any moment

whoever said anything about Eden?

true selflessness; the generosity of the spirit

we will never get this far

not alone

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

line excerpts from the abandoned 2009 novel, The Eden Bird

contents of costume dresser

2011-02-04T14:19:00.000-08:00

If it is noted that the item is from my great-grandmother, this means that it was passed down to me and has been in my possession since the age of six or seven.

For clarity, costumes are noted in "[Era]-style" to denote something handmade, as to not be confused with actual antique or vintage items.

1 pair white kid leather opera gloves; from aunt
1 pair white polyester opera loves; from great-grandmother
1 pair black leather gloves; from aunt
1 pair cream lace gloves; from my cousin, via my grandmother
1 pair polyester/leather tan and brown "riding" gloves

1 vintage black lace bustier
1 antique black lace merry widow (with garters); dated 1951, from grandmother
1 white Victorian style half-bust corset; 19" waist (I can lace down to 22")
1 black "bodice style" top, used as a renaissance bodice from 2003-04. Circa early 1990s. No longer fits.
1 colonial-style white cotton bonnet
1 cotton "gypsy vest"; sun and moon design on starry blue background, coins attatched along bottom hem. Jingles quite a lot. Purchased at renaissance fair anywhere from 2002-05
1 black, red and orange checked vest, same style as above, used in pirate costumes. Purchased around 2003-04?

collection of silk scarves, ribbons and ties

1 red devil cape, from halloween costume; dated early 1980s, from my mother
1 gold skirt suit, presumably 1960s; from great-grandmother
1 sapphire-teal long sleeved dress, very "Pre-Raphaelite"
2 vintage hippie dresses (one in the style of Gunne Sax, one just ugly) both do not fit (too large)
remains of prom dress (handmade) from junior year
remains of prom dress (handmade) from senior year
2 unfinished 1770-80s bodices (one black, one lavender and ivory satin), made in 2006/2007
1 pair of Victorian style drawers (historically inaccurate; closed crotch) made in 2004/2005 (difficult to get into, as I have grown hips since then)
1 white sheer & silk robe
1 cream sheer robe; from great-grandmother

1 1770s American style (colonial) dress, burgundy cotton with cream lace. Made in 2005. No longer fits (too small)
1 Edwardian (1908) style dress, pigeon bodice of ivory silk with antique lace insert and skirt of cream & caramel filigree design, cotton, with train. Made in 2008.
1 1930s style white sheer dress, made in 2009.
2 skirts fashioned from bridesmaids dresses; one pink, used as a shepherdess skirt for Halloween 2003; one purple and teal striped used for miscellaneous purposes, also dates 2003-04.

1 American Civil War (1860s) style dress; cotton, floral print of pink, blue and green, with pagoda sleeves. Made in 2008. [This is the sixth or seventh 1860s dress I've made; the others have all been sold/given away]
1 1960s dress, glaring lemon yellow, long sleeved with sheer over overlay; from great-grandmother. Rather ugly.
1 Early Regency style dress (1800-05); white silk, slightly sheer, sleeveless, with band of absinthe green silk under bust. Made in 2008. Extremely unflattering, as all dresses from that era.
1 very strange navy blue slightly sheer, slightly lineny dress (maybe it's a nightgown?) with gold threaded stripes. 3/4 sleeves, completely formless. From great-grandmother.
1 white and lilac lace dress, hand-me-down, not really historical, but still very pretty.

Costumes not in the dresser:

1 Pompadour (1750s) style dress. Floral cotton design of blue, green and pink, with hand-dyed pink ruched trim, eschelle stomacher, underskirt of white lace. Made in 2008.
1 pair 1920s ivory leather shoes in very bad repair (though still wearable). Louis heel, missing straps. Purchased in 2005 or 06.
1 antique 1860s bolero jacket of black silk and lace, lined in white silk, fabric deteriorating in spots. Fits, but is unwearable. Purchased in 2007.

harness necklace

2011-02-01T15:21:00.000-08:00

wrinkly shirt ftw

photos by Ben Hernandez

Harness necklace I made last night. Gunmetal chain and hardware with a leather centerpiece.

TOTES GOING TO STEAL THIS

2011-01-30T00:37:00.000-08:00

YES

I'm "borrowing it" for . . . forever.

Oh yes.

Melodica times, we been having them.

I am white ninja

2011-01-28T14:30:00.000-08:00

This is the exact face I make when someone tells me they think I'm good looking.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

this is what I look like editing

2011-01-27T23:08:00.000-08:00

For the record, my profile is, hands down, my least favourite angle of myself. But this photo is so slick, I can't not share it. It's another one by Ben Hernandez, who took the photo of my shoes.

This was taken in my film editing class.

Charlotte Fantino lookbook preview

2011-01-27T22:14:00.000-08:00

Featuring the Victorian Silk Absinthe Underbust corset.

things I should remember to be thankful for: the weather edition

2011-01-27T21:48:00.000-08:00

Currently disliking the cold toes, the fact that I keep on having to turn the space heater up, and that I have to wear more than one layer of clothing. So I must remember things that are lovely about winter:

1. I do not have to run my swamp cooler constantly. This means that I can hear every note of every song, every whispered line of dialogue in a film, and my own thoughts.

2. It isn't over 100°.

3. I'm not constantly sweating.

4. Hot showers do not feel like punishment.

5. No one is being evacuated from their homes due to wildfires, as the only fires are contained in our fireplaces and woodstoves.

6. I don't have to worry about being bitten by a rattlesnake.

7. Because it's cold, you have an excuse to cuddle with people. Sometimes with handsome young men, but best friends will do equally well.

8. Hot drinks. Hot chocolate in all its beautiful forms, buttered rum, lattés, Irish coffee, and peppery chai.

9. The grass grows back! Green meadows, budding oaks, all of summer's wreckage is gone.

10. Making delicious salads from the winter garden. Butternut lettuce and spinach are our varities this year, and we also have some broccoli coming in.

11. And the best thing about winter? It means that it's almost spring!

new shoes

2011-01-27T13:33:00.001-08:00

Photo by Ben, this awesome guy in my film editing class who has an awesome camera.